Lately I’ve been thinking about how much I can’t wait to get to heaven.  There is so much about heaven that I know absolutely nothing about.  But there are a few things that I do imagine...

I am so looking forward to that moment when I see my Creator God face to face.  He and I are going to look at each other with a knowing smile.  Perhaps we'll have a good long laugh together because I might just say, “I see what you did there.”  

Then I think my laughter will change to tears, and I will begin to sob.

For reasons that only the Creator of my soul understands, I think I will begin to sob. 

There’s going to be something about that warm embrace from the One who knows, loves, and understands me completely.  He understands.  He understands like no one else can.  I think I will put my head on His shoulder and sob like a baby for a very, very long time. 

And that will be ok.

And He will understand.  And He will embrace me.  And He will soothe me.  And He will permanently remove my sorrows.

And as I am curled up on His lap like a little child, basking in His embrace, I won’t have to care if there are long lines of people behind me waiting their turn, because He is Omnipresent.  

...And out of the corner of my eye, I might catch a glimpse of Julia as she is calypso-dancing her heart out with her Heavenly Father - a sight I could gaze on with joy for all eternity... And I think He just might provide her with her own personal steel drum band that follows her wherever she goes...

And I want to look at Jesus Christ, my Savior, and begin mouthing the words that in His Glorious Presence just can't possibly seem to be enough:    thank you.

thankyouthankyouthankyouthankyouthankyouthankyouthankyouthankyouthankyouthankyouthankyou
thankyouthankyouthankyouthankyouthankyouthankyouthankyouthankyouthankyouthankyouthankyou….

thank you.

And I can’t wait to look in His eyes – those beautiful, knowing Eyes of everlasting wisdom, power, love, compassion, mercy, and understanding. 

Nothing in all the universe will be like it.  

And I will notice my new body - that I have been fully healed and restored to a kind of heavenly wholeness and completeness.  Then I think the Great Holy Spirit Companion, my old familiar friend, might hold my hand and walk with me to the spot where I will get to join the throngs of millions of voices raised in praise, singing heavenly eternal anthems to Glorious Magnificent Almighty King of Kings and Lord of Lords.

Worthy is the Lamb

Holy, Holy, Holy

Blessing and honor, glory, and power be unto Him who is Worthy

Allelujah

Where does it come from?  Is there such a thing as a talking gene?  Do you have it?

Because my daughter definitely has it.

I do not.

I am an introvert.  When I wake up in the morning, the first thing I like to do is put a nice cup of coffee in my hands and just sit.  Quietly.  In silence.  Slowly allowing my brain to begin firing all it’s tiny little synapses.  Every so quietly and slowly, my brain begins shaking off the cobwebs of sleep and becomes aware of the day.  A nice cup of coffee.  Quiet.  Still.  Silence.  Wonderful.

Our daughter is not an introvert.  She is an extrovert.  She does not wake up quietly.  As a matter of fact, when I wake her up in the mornings, the way I can tell she has been fully roused is when I can get her little mouth to start producing words.  It doesn’t take long.  It’s usually the very first part of her body that wakes up.  The rest of her body may look like it still wants to sleep, but once that little mouth has been set in motion, it’s a 100% guarantee that she is up for the day.  Look out world - she is up!  Give her another 4 minutes and her mouth is running double-time.  Talk talk talk talk talk talk talk. 

As I sit downstairs savoring the morning sunrise with my quiet cup of java, I cannot escape the words that slide under her bedroom door and down the stairs.  Lots of words.  Imaginary conversations with friends.  Singing.  LOTS of singing.  And dancing.  Suddenly the door opens and she thunders downstairs and the questions begin.  LOTS of questions.  She has the gift of pulling people into conversation.  She LOVES to talk.  Sometimes the door opens early and a cacophony of questions and accusations fly my way as she is looking for a lost item or something has broken.

My silence is lost.  I still haven’t gotten to my second cup of coffee yet - the one that begins unlocking the muscles that work my mouth.  My brain hasn’t yet begun firing up the computer program that produces speech.  It hasn't booted up yet.  I need more time.

But alas, I do not have more time.  I must push myself forward into speech with this child who is a running litany of words. 

If only I didn’t love her so much.  If only she hadn’t wrapped herself so completely around my heart that I wouldn’t be willing to set my own desires aside in order to meet her where she is.  This precious gift that she is. 

…But sometimes I just need a little silence with my cup of coffee.

Jeremiah 29:11 is an oft-quoted verse, that brings with it lots of comfort and reassurance.  “’For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the Lord, ‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.’”  We love to wrap ourselves in the warm embrace of the comforting principle that God is wanting great things for us. 

As I was reading through Jeremiah 29 recently, I kind of got to thinking - - What exactly was going on at the time when God spoke these words?  Who was He talking to, and what was the context? 

At this period in history, God was completely fed up with the Israelites. “My people are fools; they do not know Me. They are senseless children; they have no understanding. They are skilled in doing evil; they know not how to do good.” (Jer. 4:22)  The Israelites had disobeyed God’s commands and chosen to do things their own way.  When God confronted them about it, they refused to repent.  So, in 587 BC, God allowed the ruthless, idol-worshiping, materialistic Babylonians to destroy the beloved city of Jerusalem and carry the leading citizens of the Kingdom of Judah off as prisoners to Babylon. 

Once exiled, God told the Israelites to find contentment and to settle in to their situation, because it was going to last for a while – 70 years, to be exact.  (Jer 29:10). 

The picture of the relationship between God and the Israelites at this point is almost like the picture of a father who has sent his child to sit on his/her bed and have a time out.  It’s almost as if God is leaning against the doorframe of the bedroom, explaining to the child the current situation about his/her punishment.  “Here’s the deal.  You’re going to spend the required time sitting on your bed, thinking about what you’ve done.  Get comfortable.  You can go to the bathroom if you need to, and here’s some water and snacks.  No texting or communicating with your friends in any way, because they aren’t helpful to you in this.  Get comfortable, because you will be here for a while. If you need me, I’ll be right here – I’d love to talk whenever you’re ready.”

How many times does God allow us to suffer the sad and painful consequences of our own sins?  How often do we want the consequences to just be over already, but in reality it might sometimes have to take a really, really, long time?  How often do we allow that period of suffering to soften our hearts, change us from the inside out, and bring us closer to God?
  

God so loves his people and, in His great tenderness towards them in the midst of this severe punishment, gave these words of encouragement.  “For I know the plans I have for you – plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”

He essentially said to them, “Look, people.  I’m not just doing this to be mean to you.  I have very good reason for what I’m doing here, and it’s for your own good.  I want to do so much more with you, but this punishment is part of the process.”  

God goes on to explain in the following verses that after this period of punishment, He will begin listening to His people and hearing them when they call to him.  And eventually, He would begin restoring them from their places of punishment.

It seems to me that in Jeremiah 29:11 God is telling us that He has a plan in our punishment.  I believe He wants it to change us so that we are restored to a better relationship with Him. It may take a really long time for the punishment to get through to us, and so God may be asking us to settle in and submit to the process, because He has great plans for our future.

Hananiah was a dude. 

There’s a teeny little chapter written about him in the book of Jeremiah – chapter 28.  Jeremiah was a prophet, and God spoke through him to the people of Israel about how completely fed up He was with their refusal to repent and change their ways, and what the consequences were going to be for this refusal.  At this time there were other dudes that spoke up as well.  Hananiah was one of them. 

Hananiah stood up one day and spoke to Jeremiah in the presence of the priests and all the people.  He spoke eloquently.  It sounded just like a prophecy.  It was a prediction that God would not further punish the nation of Israel, but rather that God would rescue them from their oppressors and restore them as a nation. 

It sounded really good.  In a time when Jeremiah was prophecying a hard-core message of repentance and impending judgment and doom, Hananiah produced a message that was all nice and warm and fuzzy.

More than likely it was very well-received, because it probably was what the people wanted to hear.  Hananiah could have easily felt bolstered by this positive response to his message, and proceeded to speak with even more confidence. 

Jeremiah wasn’t quite sure.  He told Hananiah he wanted to wait and see if what he predicted would really come true.

Turns out, Hananiah was wrong.  God spoke to Jeremiah with a twist on Hananiah’s prophecy that was more than dire.  Jeremiah went back to Hananiah and told him, “The Lord has NOT sent you, yet you have persuaded this nation to trust in LIES. …Therefore…this very year you are going to die…” (Jer 28:15)

Sure enough, that year Hananiah died.

….Sometimes, People Are Wrong. 

Very persuasive people.

These people can be so convinced that they are right and lead others to believe the same.  Their message is believable and sounds good.

But that doesn’t change the fact that they are wrong.

God takes this sort of thing very seriously, exhibited by His judgment on Hananiah.  When someone is in a position of influence and leadership, God holds them to a higher standard of accountability.  “Not many of you should presume to be teachers, my brothers, because you know that we who teach will be judged more strictly.” (James 3:1)  Why this higher standard of accountability?  Because of the power over people.  God loves every individual on the face of the earth, and takes it very seriously when someone takes people down a wrong path.

We moved to Virginia nine years ago.  It marked a new chapter in our journey with Autism, as we wrapped up six intensely emotional and exhausting years.  I might write about those years another time, but as we were saying goodbye to friends and teachers in Ohio there was one school secretary who stopped by our house one afternoon with farewell gifts.  You see, Julia has a way of wrapping herself around people’s hearts – and this school secretary was no exception.  One precious gift she gave us was a children’s book entitled “I Hope You Dance.”

She had no idea.  

This precious girl that God created, He created with the spirit of dance.  Every morning she wakes up a chatterbox of joy, ready to fully embrace the day.  Frequently part of her morning routine is some sort of heart-pumping, foot-stomping ruckus in her room.  Oh, she dances.  Not the gifted, talented, well-rehearsed moves type of dancing – no, this isn’t a perfected skill.  This girl just knows how to let loose.  As parents we are constantly needing to “reign her in,” so to speak, particularly in public places like church hallways or the grocery store aisles because she’ll frequently bust out some of her wild and crazy moves whenever and wherever she feels so compelled.  ....And sometimes we have to apologize to our guests for the dancing elephant in the upstairs bedroom.... 

Julia fully embraces the spirit of the lyrics to LeeAnn Womack’s song, which the gift book was based upon.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y2SfmcNg8js

This past weekend, Julia attended her very first high school homecoming dance.  To say she was excited was an understatement.  My husband and I had the privilege of attending as chaperones.  After observing well over 1,000 students throughout the evening, I have to admit that Autism is a gift.  For most students Julia’s age, this season of life is marked by extreme self-consciousness and insecurity.  Don’t we all remember being there?

But for a girl like Julia, she is free of those social trappings.  Because of her Autism, she is largely unaware of social rules.  This brings with it a particular freedom when combined with an already extremely outgoing personality, resulting in a girl who loves to dance! 

Unfortunately, this homecoming dance exposed her to the dark side of dance.  She crinkled up her nose as she told us about all the “grinding” she observed.  Then with glee she announced that she chose to dance a different way – “like this!” as she bounced around with innocent delight.

I learn so much from this child.  We all have a choice, whether or not to dance.  And in that dancing, whether or not to blend in with the darkness, or to stand out as a light.  I am thankful that she dances.  She dances her heart out.

All dressed up for the dance

It’s the title of one of my favorite Christian songs, by Point of Grace (from the Album "I Choose You").  Some of my favorite lines are in the chorus: “Who am I - to understand Your Ways, Who am I – to give You anything but praise?”

When I first heard this song it touched something deep inside of me, because I felt that was right where God had me in my life.

I am a wife and mother of three beautiful children – two wonderful boys who have suddenly morphed into some fine young men (I think I blinked because that happened way too fast), and a precious teen daughter with Autism.  As I reflect over our journey with our daughter, tears fill my eyes.  This is quite a journey!  God has taken me to some pretty deep places emotionally because of this precious girl.  At times I have cried out to God with a questioning spirit – Why, God?  Why her?  Why us?  Why me?  There was one chapter on our journey where it was evident that our daughter’s brain had been effectively poisoned by environmental toxicity, and we spent a lot of time and money to cleanse her body of those toxins.  Naturally I searched for answers regarding the origin of these toxins and searched to get involved in legal action for compensation of this assault on an innocent child, to no avail.  We prayed to God to heal her.  Over and over we prayed for healing.  I begged God to heal her.  Perfect healing wasn’t a part of His plan.  God had other plans.  (Jer 29:11)   I should write a book about God’s plans for her – it is being revealed day by day.   …Who am I to understand Your Ways?  Who am I to give You anything but praise? 

Isaiah 55:8,9 says “‘For My thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways My Ways,’ declares the Lord.  ‘As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are My Ways higher than your ways and My Thoughts than your thoughts.’”

Most people who know my daughter tell us in one way or another of what a blessing she is.  Our daughter has an infectious warmth and love for people, so that many people who get to know her thoroughly enjoy the moments they spend with her.  Because of our daughter’s Autistic obsession with the Caribbean and her social quirkiness, she has met and introduced to us more people who are from the Caribbean than I ever knew existed here in Virginia (and wherever else we go) – wonderful, amazing, beautiful Caribbean people.  Recently we have watched perfectly normal girls her age completely blow our minds by loving her in ways that we never imagined would have been possible.  Not only that, but we have also watched in amazement as Julia has become a valued friend to one of her peers.  …Who am I to understand Your Ways?  Who am I to give You anything but praise?

God has taught me a lot about learning to accept what He has given me and to praise Him for it.  Yes, grief and I know each other very well.  It’s a normal, living, breathing part of this journey.  But I am learning to accept.  And I am learning to rejoice.  And I am learning to praise God because His Ways are so much higher than my own.