We moved to Virginia nine years ago.  It marked a new chapter in our journey with Autism, as we wrapped up six intensely emotional and exhausting years.  I might write about those years another time, but as we were saying goodbye to friends and teachers in Ohio there was one school secretary who stopped by our house one afternoon with farewell gifts.  You see, Julia has a way of wrapping herself around people’s hearts – and this school secretary was no exception.  One precious gift she gave us was a children’s book entitled “I Hope You Dance.”

She had no idea.  

This precious girl that God created, He created with the spirit of dance.  Every morning she wakes up a chatterbox of joy, ready to fully embrace the day.  Frequently part of her morning routine is some sort of heart-pumping, foot-stomping ruckus in her room.  Oh, she dances.  Not the gifted, talented, well-rehearsed moves type of dancing – no, this isn’t a perfected skill.  This girl just knows how to let loose.  As parents we are constantly needing to “reign her in,” so to speak, particularly in public places like church hallways or the grocery store aisles because she’ll frequently bust out some of her wild and crazy moves whenever and wherever she feels so compelled.  ....And sometimes we have to apologize to our guests for the dancing elephant in the upstairs bedroom.... 

Julia fully embraces the spirit of the lyrics to LeeAnn Womack’s song, which the gift book was based upon.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y2SfmcNg8js

This past weekend, Julia attended her very first high school homecoming dance.  To say she was excited was an understatement.  My husband and I had the privilege of attending as chaperones.  After observing well over 1,000 students throughout the evening, I have to admit that Autism is a gift.  For most students Julia’s age, this season of life is marked by extreme self-consciousness and insecurity.  Don’t we all remember being there?

But for a girl like Julia, she is free of those social trappings.  Because of her Autism, she is largely unaware of social rules.  This brings with it a particular freedom when combined with an already extremely outgoing personality, resulting in a girl who loves to dance! 

Unfortunately, this homecoming dance exposed her to the dark side of dance.  She crinkled up her nose as she told us about all the “grinding” she observed.  Then with glee she announced that she chose to dance a different way – “like this!” as she bounced around with innocent delight.

I learn so much from this child.  We all have a choice, whether or not to dance.  And in that dancing, whether or not to blend in with the darkness, or to stand out as a light.  I am thankful that she dances.  She dances her heart out.

All dressed up for the dance

It’s the title of one of my favorite Christian songs, by Point of Grace (from the Album "I Choose You").  Some of my favorite lines are in the chorus: “Who am I - to understand Your Ways, Who am I – to give You anything but praise?”

When I first heard this song it touched something deep inside of me, because I felt that was right where God had me in my life.

I am a wife and mother of three beautiful children – two wonderful boys who have suddenly morphed into some fine young men (I think I blinked because that happened way too fast), and a precious teen daughter with Autism.  As I reflect over our journey with our daughter, tears fill my eyes.  This is quite a journey!  God has taken me to some pretty deep places emotionally because of this precious girl.  At times I have cried out to God with a questioning spirit – Why, God?  Why her?  Why us?  Why me?  There was one chapter on our journey where it was evident that our daughter’s brain had been effectively poisoned by environmental toxicity, and we spent a lot of time and money to cleanse her body of those toxins.  Naturally I searched for answers regarding the origin of these toxins and searched to get involved in legal action for compensation of this assault on an innocent child, to no avail.  We prayed to God to heal her.  Over and over we prayed for healing.  I begged God to heal her.  Perfect healing wasn’t a part of His plan.  God had other plans.  (Jer 29:11)   I should write a book about God’s plans for her – it is being revealed day by day.   …Who am I to understand Your Ways?  Who am I to give You anything but praise? 

Isaiah 55:8,9 says “‘For My thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways My Ways,’ declares the Lord.  ‘As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are My Ways higher than your ways and My Thoughts than your thoughts.’”

Most people who know my daughter tell us in one way or another of what a blessing she is.  Our daughter has an infectious warmth and love for people, so that many people who get to know her thoroughly enjoy the moments they spend with her.  Because of our daughter’s Autistic obsession with the Caribbean and her social quirkiness, she has met and introduced to us more people who are from the Caribbean than I ever knew existed here in Virginia (and wherever else we go) – wonderful, amazing, beautiful Caribbean people.  Recently we have watched perfectly normal girls her age completely blow our minds by loving her in ways that we never imagined would have been possible.  Not only that, but we have also watched in amazement as Julia has become a valued friend to one of her peers.  …Who am I to understand Your Ways?  Who am I to give You anything but praise?

God has taught me a lot about learning to accept what He has given me and to praise Him for it.  Yes, grief and I know each other very well.  It’s a normal, living, breathing part of this journey.  But I am learning to accept.  And I am learning to rejoice.  And I am learning to praise God because His Ways are so much higher than my own.