It’s 7 am, and the sound of piercing screams is coming from the bedroom.  Her back is hurting again.  She has a pinched nerve not unlike that which so many of us have experienced.  But her Autism removes a lot of the buffers that allow most of us to cope with difficult or painful situations, and with every scream I feel like a nerve of my own is being pinched.  I suffer with her, as my heart breaks over her pain.

She is under the care of a chiropractor, but it will take time and lots of visits for him to get it back to normal.  Until then, there is still much pain.

In my last blog, I wrote about mountain climbing.  This is another of those mountains.  Many times I feel that I am somehow climbing 5 or 6 mountains at the same time – either that or they are all combined into one long, harrowing, heart-thumping iron man course.

“He gives strength to the weary, and increases the power of the weak.”  (Isa 40:29)

So many times, in the midst of those moments  - the ones when her screams are piercing my heart, when the mountain crags seem most foreboding – I cry out, “Oh God, please help!” 

And in the midst of those moments I discover a calmness of heart that wasn’t there before, and a supernatural surge of strength and skill and patience.

My trail guide is suddenly right there beside me, supporting me and helping me to find secure footing and keep going up.  I catch a quick glimpse into those Eyes of understanding and love.  Oh how He loves me!  Oh how He loves her!

And so we press on. 

Soon, I find myself on a level place on the path.  It’s just a small level place, but it’s enough to stop and set my pack down and grab a quick drink of cool, refreshing water. I look back at what I’ve just come through and tears fill my eyes.

My Savior is quick to surround me with His comforting Arms of compassion, and I take a few moments to cry. 

I wish I could just stop here and be done with the climbing.  But I look down and see that these boots have so molded themselves to my feet that they are somehow a part of me.  It’s who I am.

And so I pick up my back and get back on the trail.

It’s difficult to write when you’re busy climbing mountains.

I finally realized why it took me so long to start this blog site, or even begin writing anything at all. 

Because I was busy climbing mountains.

I’m in the midst of more mountain climbing, but this time I’m going to try doing it with pen and paper in hand, so to speak.  I hope you’ll bear with me because writing while you’re climbing doesn’t make for the best penmanship.

We’ve come a long way, and sometimes I find myself amazed that she is in high school.  She has come soooo far!  The last two years of middle school were absolutely amazing.  Now that we are in a whole new building with an entirely clean slate of staff, though, I find myself yearning for what was.

I actually had a dream last night that I bumped into her case manager from middle school and ended up doing a lot of crying on her shoulder.

Once again, I find myself strapping on those old familiar mountain climbing boots, picking up my pack, and heading up the trail.

I have a few cliffs to scale this week.  I am hoping just this week, but something tells me it might take a lot longer.  We have a few situations with some teachers that are a struggle.  (Running an Autism classroom like boot camp, for one.)  I have a lot of discussions and meetings ahead of me. 

I’ve done this before.  Maybe that’s why I find myself staring at the precipice with dread. 

Because I know what an exhausting process it is.

The good news is I’m not in this alone.  I have a Guide and Companion.  He works miracles.  He’s done it before.  I’m confident of His skills and expertise.  I’m counting on Him.

One step in front of the other.

[Ha.  Just as I was typing up the verse below, her glasses broke as she was getting ready for school.  Autism folks don’t react well to those kinds of set-backs.  I’ve dealt with the meltdown, and sent her on her way – sans glasses.   “I’m blind!!!”]

We’ve done this so many times before, yet every time it’s exhausting.

“But those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength.  They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.” – Isa 40:31